5 Supernatural endings that are better than BSG's

  • God shows up in a white Impala and banishes Lucifer to Hell with a bitchin’ guitar solo. (God is played by Jimmy Page.)
  • Alternatively, God shows up in a white Impala and tells everyone this was all just a test of humanity. Then Dean punches him in the face. (God is played by William Shatner.)
  • Dean convinces the angels and demons to lay aside their feud by distracting them with porn. (“How do you know the dialogue’s unrealistic, Cass? You spend a lot of time watching over cheerleaders?”)
  • Prophet Chuck realizes he can hack Heaven from inside by subtly shifting his narrative in Sam and Dean’s favour; he turns to fanfic writers for aid in embroidering his story. (“Wait, so if Cass is riding Dean while Dean is riding Anna, so to speak…what do you call that?” “AWESOME. You call it AWESOME.”)
  • Dean beats the Devil at a drinking contest…in a tiny Nepalese dive. (“CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!”)

These are all Dean-heavy scenarios. Maybe that’s because I can’t imagine an end-of-season scenario that doesn’t end with Sam dying painfully-but-nobly. But at least he gets to wear that totally bitchin’ Bowie-circa-Hunky Dory suit before he goes out. And at least God won’t lead Sam and Dean to some horrible place where there isn’t any beer or Magic Fingers. At least, I hope not. Now I’m a little worried.

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